Young lady you are still very young so
don’t take life in gulps. Take it breath by breath, a moment at a time.
You simply cannot rush life. Life has its own pace and it has us tagging
along. That is one hold life has over us. It is true we say: Do not
leave till tomorrow what you can do today but the corollary is equally
true: Do not do today what you should do tomorrow.
I do understand you want to accomplish,
and that desire is driving you…Everyone wants to accomplish great feats
in life as well but if you rush life you will likely make mistakes. And
then your speed will be slowed down and you’d rue those moments you
wished you had taken time to think things through. You’ve got to learn
to pace yourself, to move sure-footedly in life. It’s better than a
crazed rush. Think of driver on an highway driving erratically at top
speed to arrive fast at his destination. If he had an accident, that’s
the end of the journey. Even if it’s a minor infraction he’ll still be
slowed down. And if he kills someone he’s mired in trouble for years.
He’ll need to defend himself against the charge of manslaughter. Our
haste can cause accidents. And when we have accidents in life, journeys
can come to an end. Even if we survive the accident we would have lost
considerable time and momentum.
In the same way, rushing into
relationship or marriage – such haste have been known to create life
disasters. Of course not every rush into marriage ends in disaster, but
the probability is high. It’s the reality of speed. You’re trying to do
too many things all at once. You’re like the Lagos Danfo bus driver
rushing everywhere in one direction. He gets into headstrong juvenile
competition with other road users, even when it’s obvious there’s no
basis for one. Take yourself out of senseless competitions. Go at your
own pace, face your own schedule.
When we rush senselessly, we forget to
build capacity for the future we’re rushing into. The future will show
us up. Get to know yourself. Get to know who you are. Get to know what
you want. Get to know what you do not want. It does take some time to
know these things but at least begin the journey to self-discovery.
Some things about yourself you’ll realise
in retrospect. You can’t know them except you pass through certain
experiences. It’s why you need to trust God, to commit your way to the
Lord. Life is too large. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall
direct your paths, that’s what the famous king Solomon wrote.
As per this gentleman, the gap in age
between both of you has consequences. His age will always be relative to
yours. That’s not saying much older man/very young woman configuration
can’t work. I am however worried by the fact you don’t really love him.
That much is evident. You’re in love with the idea of loving him, you
don’t love him. You want to play the life role of loving someone, of
being responsible for a man.
You’re also moved by the fact that he was
there for you at the start of your business/education. That is all well
and good but the definition of husband is not “a business mentor.” And
you don’t reward someone with your life just because he did good to you.
There are other ways to show appreciation.
Here’s the danger in marrying someone you
don’t love: You’ll be making yourself play a role, like an actress.
That can only work so far and for so long. The love is simulated, it’s
not real, it is rather synthetic, It’s assumed responsibility. It’s the
synthetic love of a young woman who wants to be in love, to experience
adult love and affair. Life does test the quality of such love is there
anything life doesn’t test? Life tests marital resolve, to determine the
caliber and purity of the love we espouse. And life uses a variety of
means to test the quality of our love, sometimes through trials and
temptations.
When faced with a credible option is when
some realise the mistake of rushing into marriage. It’s then they
discover what they should have wanted. And what they really want. Only
then it’s too late. They realise they rushed in when their wants were
hardly formulated, when their desires had no configuration. Either of
two things then happens: they bear the pain in agony and silence, or
they begin to punish their partner. The fact he does not deserve the
punishment soon begins to trouble their conscience, creating deep
conflicts. It’s a matter of time before both parties are dragged into
depression by the gravitational pull of those inner conflicts.
Marriage requires maturity, not boy/girl
maturity but man/lady maturity. And maturity takes experience, and the
passing of time. And there is a level of maturity you can’t have without
going through trial. There are things you can’t know in life without
the passage of time. Some things only come with age. A life tempered by
trial has a chance to grow kind and compassionate, to seek to
understand. It’s been there.
When a life of immaturity takes on the
big issues of life, it generates foolish life-altering decisions.
Sometimes, just a little patience allows life to demonstrate to us how
haste can be harmful. Someday, you’ll look back at life and thank God
you didn’t take certain decisions. And someday, you may look back at
life and regret taking certain decisions. The past can never be perfect.
The past will always be full of stupidities, incorrigibilities,
foolishnesses… The past is past imperfect.
The problem comes when we wish for
perfect pasts. Then we’re full of regrets. The past can never be
perfect. Judging the past is an exercise in futility. It’s a chronicle
you can’t edit. It’s out of reach. But you do have the present to
contend with. Try and avoid stupid mistakes, especially in the area of
marriage. Nothing is as potent as marriage. It’s very deep, and it’s a
highly spiritual and symbolic quantity. The stupid mistake of today
creates the past we deeply regret tomorrow. Marriage is that area you
can’t afford to make stupid decisions. It requires due consideration.
Marriage is not something you rush into. It’s not a race.
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