By Edebatu Emiluv:
Kisses though comes so gentle and sweet, but when it is been given to the wrong person, at the wrong time and if care is not taken, it may lead to heart break, disvirginity, lust which is sin. I was having a chat with a young girl who needed my advice on her relationship; she was asking if it was right to kiss and hug a guy, that the guy she was into relationship with was always talking about kissing, how he love kissing so much.
Now this guy wants her to pay him a visit, but her fear was that she was going to lose her virginity if she goes to visit him. From all she told me, I sensed that the guy was just looking for a way to sleep with her. Come to think of it, they don’t really know each other that much, they just met not even up to a week and this guy is already talking about kissing and visitation. For a guy to begin this way, this should tell you the kind of person he is. Kiss and sex are friends, so if he loves one, then he loves the other. If he tells you he loves kissing, he is indirectly telling you he will love to kiss you when the opportunity comes. And if he succeeds in kissing you, then he is likely to succeed in having sex with you.
Girls, always learn to judge guys from their words, most of the times they talk to you, they speak their real minds to you unknowingly, this is the reason why you should pay attention each time they are talking to you. Look them straight in the eyes to get out the real truth from them. When you do this, they won’t be confident enough to deceive you. Ask them lots of questions, this is how you know more about them. Don’t just leave them to do the whole talking, put him into discussion, know why he wants to date you, know why he thinks you are the right match for him. By doing all these, you can simply tell who is speaking straight from the heart, who is actually in love with you.
You shouldn’t conclude a guy is a nice guy when he hasn’t proved himself to be nice. A guy is not nice if you are the only person he is nice to. Yes he buys you airtime, he calls you always, sends money to you at all times…, have you taken your time to see if he does this to his siblings, parents and close friends? Have you taken your time to find out what he does when you are not around? Don’t conclude she is a Christian just because you see her sing in church all the time. Have you taken your time to find out how often she reads her bible and prays? Have you gone to find out what she does when it is not church hours? Many claim to be a Christian but they are worst than people of the world.
I have lot of friends then in school who were choristers but were worst than unbelievers. They sleep with their fellow choir members, they date each other, and yet every Sunday, they come up stage to sing for God. People are not actually what they claim to be, most of the things guys do for girls are for a reason, they give you money to get sex, they fake love to get sex, they do this and that to get sex. I’m a guy so I know what they are capable of doing. I walked into a friend’s room then in my hostel and met this guy on his knees crying with tears running down his face. What was the matter? He was just trying to convince the girl he was kneeing in front of that he genuinely loves her. It wasn’t up to two weeks after he got what he wanted, he dumped the girl for another.
So you see, guys can do anything just to get your pants down. He may tell you that visiting him will just prove that you love him; he may tell you that nothing will go wrong if you sleep over, “I’m a gentle guy, I have been abstaining, besides I’m a Christian, so why should I do all of that”? All these words are just to deceive you, trust me when you get yourself in that room, the story changes, you will begin to hear things like “we are humans so we need to do this to promote our love. We are matured enough to do whatever thing we want, after all, we are in love. Let’s forget what people are saying, everybody is doing it, including single pastors, so why should our own case be different? C’mon baby, just a little kiss, kisses are harmless, let’s try it, I promise not to go beyond that.”
You both began kissing, hoping he will stop when he is satisfied, but how can he be satisfied when he hasn’t gotten to the peak of the pleasure which is only gotten from sex? Can you quench fire with fuel? In most cases, nobody would want it to stop, including the girl. Even if the girl wants the guy to stop, the guy will not want to. Trust guys, this will even be the time he will start touching your breast and others. So tell me, how can you stop a guy you have already shared your lips with from not touching your breast? How can you stop him from not undressing you? How can you stop him from not having sex with you when you are already half naked?
This is why I can never agree that kissing should be allowed in a relationship. No matter how strong you are, even if you have been managing to stop at a certain point, trust me on this, one day you won’t be so lucky to stop at that point, you will be tempted to go beyond that point and the next thing will be regrets. If you must protect your love, if you must avoid pre-marital sex, introducing the “No kissing” rule is the best thing to do.
Edebatu Emiluv
Saturday 4 January 2014
How Do I Know God's Will for a Marriage Partner?
Introduction:
Christians have a variety of views regarding selecting a husband or wife according to the will of God. Many Christians fear that they might go out of the will of God or miss out “on God’s best.” Many
believe that there is only one person whom the Lord has selected for each Christian and it is up to each Christian to find that person. This person is the “right one” according to the will of God. Finding the
“right one” is the key to finding God’s will and marital happiness over a lifetime. Many believe that If a Christian should marry someone else by accident or by desire, then he or she will not be in
God’s will. They can still be happy, but will not have God’s best. However, those who marry the wrong person also risk the possibility of divorce.
Christians often feel that couples get divorced because they have married the wrong person. Are all these beliefs true? Are these principles what the Bible teaches? The answer is no. They are not true and the Bible nowhere teaches these views.
"Is he or she the right one?" is the wrong question
to ask. The right question, which the Scriptures teach is this one, “Is he or she the right kind of person to marry?" Prov.18:22 says, “He who finds a wife finds what is good, and receives favor from the
Lord." In other words, it is good for a man to find a woman and get married. The converse is true as well. It is good for a woman to find a man and be married as well. This means that getting married is
beneficial and a blessing for humans.
However, it is not just marrying any woman or man, but the right kind of woman or man. Prov.19:14 says, "A prudent wife is from the Lord." That is, if you want a wife that is from the Lord (i.e.
the Lord’s will), find a prudent one (one with discernment and self-control). This would apply to the husband as well. This is just one attribute of a wife or husband that will be a blessing from the Lord. This verse gives the focus God has revealed in the Scriptures.
The Bible focuses on finding the right kind of wife or husband. Finding the right kind of wife or husband is God’s will for you. This is how you will receive God’s blessing. The Scriptures do not teach that
believers need to find a specific person the Lord has chosen, but rather the Bible says that we are to focus on choosing the right kind of person and avoiding the wrong kind of person.
Although Abraham and Isaac sought wives for their sons as the Lord had directed them, their experiences are not the norm. They were very significant in terms of the covenant God made with Abraham and were major figures in the line of messiah. We are not. The normal Biblical approach in these non-moral areas (See the CD “How Do I Know God’s Will for My Life?“) is to choose whomever you desire to marry as long as you choose the right kind of person according to God's priorities. You must also commit yourself to follow God's standards for marriage.” God’s will is that Christians marry Christians.
The first priority is that he or she is a Christian. 2 Cor.6:14-16 says, “Do not be bound together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship
can light have with darkness? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?” This is a clear instruction from the apostle Paul that Christians are not to be bound together (in a marital/physical relationship) with non-Christians. Christians have been declared righteous in Christ and have been brought into the light of the truth.
They should not have intimate fellowship with those that have not been declared righteous and are still in spiritual darkness.
This does not mean that Christians can’t have non-Christians as friends, but friendship is not a bond for life as marriage is. It means God wants Christians to marry other Christians. He wants his children marrying other ones who are his children. As a Christian husband or wife, your life is centered in Christ; an unbeliever’s is not. Your beliefs and values are established upon the Word of God, an unbeliever’s is not. You need continual encouragement to trust and obey the Lord. How can an unbeliever give you that? How will you encourage him or her daily if he or she does not
trust the Lord?
This is an important commitment that you must make as a Christian to see God’s blessing in your life in this area. This is a boundary that you must draw when it comes to whom you allow yourself to
“fall for” or even date. Is it possible to have romantic feelings for someone who is not a Christian? Yes, it is. Attraction is part of being
human. However, it is not an indication of God’s will. God’s will is clearly stated above. The world says that if you feel it, it must be legitimate. This is not true! If you feel it and it is within God’s will, it is legitimate. Marrying a non-Christian is never the Lord’s will.
Dating unbelievers is emotionally dangerous! If you are going to be wise in following this, you also need to realize that it is emotionally dangerous to even date an unbeliever. You can think at the beginning that you can stop yourself short of marrying an unbeliever. I have heard Christians say, “I am only dating an unbeliever, I won’t marry him/her.” The Christian who does this is playing with emotional fire.
What happens if you date an unbeliever and develop the desire and romantic passion to marry him or her, now what are you going to do? Your feelings are powerful and you are going to hurt yourself far worse than if you had never gotten involved. What happens if the unbeliever develops a desire to marry you? Now, you are going to hurt him or her. You say you care about that unbeliever, but do you? You have defrauded that unbeliever by allowing him or her to develop a desire to marry you when you know you can’t marry him or her. What will that unbeliever think about Christ and Christians after his painful experience with you? You say, “but there are no Christians around who want to date me.” That may be the case, but that does not change what is God your Father’s plan for
you. Trusting the Lord in these kinds of circumstances is what being a Christian is all about. Prov.3:5-6 says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct your paths.”
God’s will is that Christians marry Christians who have godly characteristics. Finding the right kind of wife or husband begins with
his or her faith in Christ. However, being a Christian, does not guarantee he or she has the qualities necessary to make a successful marriage. Proverbs is very clear that men are to find women
who have godly characteristics in their lives. Besides a prudent wife, which we have already seen, Prov.31: 10 says, “Find a wife of noble
character.” Prov.12:4 says, “Find a wife of noble character, avoid a disgraceful wife.” Prov.19:13 says, “Avoid a quarrelsome wife.” Women, likewise are to find men with these godly characteristics.
The Scriptures also give other specific characteristics of the kind of people to avoid. This would certainly apply to marrying any of them.
There are three kinds of people that Proverbs says to stay away from, the fool, the sluggard, and the one who does not control his tongue. A fool is one who acts foolishly. Prov.14:7 says, “Stay away from a foolish man, for you will not find knowledge on his
lips.” The characteristics of someone who is foolish are given in several places in Proverbs. Prov.12:15 says that a fool "does what seems right to him and does not listen to advice." Prov.14:16 says that he is "hotheaded and reckless." Prov.18:2 says he "delights in airing his own opinions" and Prov.20:3 says he is "quick to quarrel." Prov.28:26 sums up the basic problem in his life when it says that a
foolish man "does not walk in wisdom." Prov.29:11 also says he "gives full vent to his anger, and has no self-control." We should avoid marrying people with these characteristics. Proverbs also says to watch out for a man who is lazy (the sluggard). Prov.19:15 indicates that a sluggard is sleeping all the time and thus going
hungry. Prov.26:15 shows that he is too lazy to put out the effort to feed himself. Prov.24: 30-34 says that laziness brings on poverty. Women especially are to avoid a lazy man who will not meet his
financial responsibilities. It is sad to see a woman married to a man who is always talking about making the “big bucks.” Yet, he is one who is not willing to get a steady job. Beware of allowing yourself to be attracted to a man who cannot keep a job. It is a strong possibility that he won’t suddenly change after he gets married.
We should avoid those who lie (Prov.6:17). Lying destroys any foundation of trust in a relationship. You will never know whether he or she is telling the truth or not. Prov.28:23 warns about someone who has a "flattering tongue." This kind of a person praises you when he doesn’t really mean it. He just wants to get something from you. Prov.15:1 shows another kind of person to avoid, one who uses
harsh words. Harsh words destroy the hearts and minds of others and make a lifetime relationship a lifetime of hurt.
Another characteristic to avoid is a one who lacks self-control. Prov.25:28 says, “Like a city whose walls are broken down is a man who lacks self-control.” A "city which has no walls" is a city which
has no defense against harm. A person who lacks self-control has no defense against harm. Ruin and destruction will be his because he cannot keep his emotions and desires under control. He cannot or
does not restrain his behavior. Self-control is an important quality for success in life and relationships. God has set forth limits of behavior; self-control keeps his actions within those limits.
These are just some of the guidelines that God gives each of us in selecting a wife or husband. No one can be perfect, but the lives of those mentioned above are characterized by these qualities so that they are known by them. That means those characteristics are regularly manifested in their lives. These are fatal flaws that destroy relationships, not build them. If you find a wife or husband that has the kind of personal faults that destroy relationships, trying to build a lifetime relationship together will be like building a house on sinking sand. If you find a wife or husband that has the personal qualities that can develop and sustain a lifetime relationship in the
Lord, you have followed what the Lord desires in finding a mate. Then, if you both desire to marry and to live together as husband and wife, then assume it is the Lord’s will unless the Lord clearly
prevents it. The Lord wants to bless you as you seek a godly mate. If it doesn't work out, trust that the Lord will work all things out for your good (Rom.8:28). Choose whomever you want to marry within God’s moral boundaries.
So, the Lord gives you the free choice to marry or not to marry. If you choose to marry, you may marry whomever you wish as long as he or she is the right kind of person and he or she desires to marry you. This gives you the joy of walking down the aisle to make a lifetime covenant with the one person you want to live with the rest of your life! Remember this, God has given marriage to be a free choice for you. When you walk down that aisle you should want to marry that person with all your heart. You should not be doing it because you think it is good for you or it is the right thing to do, you
should want to be with that person the rest of your life!
You need to trust the Lord to bless you as you follow his guidelines. That blessing will come in two major forms. He will either bless your union together (this may include waiting for awhile) or he will turn you away from each other according to his sovereign will. The Bible says that if we delight in the Lord, he will give us the desires of our hearts (Ps.37:4,Ps.20:4,Ps.21:2). That is, if it is within his will (1Jn.5:14-15).
I believe these verses taken together mean that God as our Father wants us to be happy and if we find someone who is the "right kind" of person of the opposite sex for us, then the Lord will bless our
union unless he has some specific reason for not doing so. What that reason is may not be revealed to us, but it will always be for our good (Rom.8:28).
What do I do if I can’t find anyone who wants to marry me?
Does that mean I have the gift of celibacy? Wanting to get married is normal and natural. Remember Prov.18:22 says, “He who finds a wife finds what is good, and receives favor from the
Lord." If you have a desire to get married, that is good. If you do not have a desire to marry and want to focus all your energy on the kingdom of God, that is good also. This is the gift of celibacy. It is described by Jesus in Matt.19:12 “some have made themselves eunuchs (figurative expression for those who choose not to marry) for the kingdom of heaven’s sake.” Paul had it. He says in 1 Cor.7:7
as he encourages Christians to stay single, “For I wish that all men were even as I myself. But every man has his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that. I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I [single]. But if they cannot contain themselves [sexual desires], let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn [with passion]. This means that if you want to get married, you don’t have the gift of celibacy. If you want to get married, it is a good thing. If I want to find a mate, then why can’t I find one? There are many possible reasons too numerous to discuss here. I suggest you speak with a pastor or other mature Christian who knows you to help you assess your particular situation. Ultimately, though, God is sovereign and you need to trust him with your present circumstances. Following Prov.3:5-6 is so important. You should not suppress the desire to
marry nor pretend it doesn’t exist. It is a natural desire, but you need to pray about it and leave your welfare in the Lord’s hands.
believe that there is only one person whom the Lord has selected for each Christian and it is up to each Christian to find that person. This person is the “right one” according to the will of God. Finding the
“right one” is the key to finding God’s will and marital happiness over a lifetime. Many believe that If a Christian should marry someone else by accident or by desire, then he or she will not be in
God’s will. They can still be happy, but will not have God’s best. However, those who marry the wrong person also risk the possibility of divorce.
Christians often feel that couples get divorced because they have married the wrong person. Are all these beliefs true? Are these principles what the Bible teaches? The answer is no. They are not true and the Bible nowhere teaches these views.
"Is he or she the right one?" is the wrong question
to ask. The right question, which the Scriptures teach is this one, “Is he or she the right kind of person to marry?" Prov.18:22 says, “He who finds a wife finds what is good, and receives favor from the
Lord." In other words, it is good for a man to find a woman and get married. The converse is true as well. It is good for a woman to find a man and be married as well. This means that getting married is
beneficial and a blessing for humans.
However, it is not just marrying any woman or man, but the right kind of woman or man. Prov.19:14 says, "A prudent wife is from the Lord." That is, if you want a wife that is from the Lord (i.e.
the Lord’s will), find a prudent one (one with discernment and self-control). This would apply to the husband as well. This is just one attribute of a wife or husband that will be a blessing from the Lord. This verse gives the focus God has revealed in the Scriptures.
The Bible focuses on finding the right kind of wife or husband. Finding the right kind of wife or husband is God’s will for you. This is how you will receive God’s blessing. The Scriptures do not teach that
believers need to find a specific person the Lord has chosen, but rather the Bible says that we are to focus on choosing the right kind of person and avoiding the wrong kind of person.
Although Abraham and Isaac sought wives for their sons as the Lord had directed them, their experiences are not the norm. They were very significant in terms of the covenant God made with Abraham and were major figures in the line of messiah. We are not. The normal Biblical approach in these non-moral areas (See the CD “How Do I Know God’s Will for My Life?“) is to choose whomever you desire to marry as long as you choose the right kind of person according to God's priorities. You must also commit yourself to follow God's standards for marriage.” God’s will is that Christians marry Christians.
The first priority is that he or she is a Christian. 2 Cor.6:14-16 says, “Do not be bound together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship
can light have with darkness? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?” This is a clear instruction from the apostle Paul that Christians are not to be bound together (in a marital/physical relationship) with non-Christians. Christians have been declared righteous in Christ and have been brought into the light of the truth.
They should not have intimate fellowship with those that have not been declared righteous and are still in spiritual darkness.
This does not mean that Christians can’t have non-Christians as friends, but friendship is not a bond for life as marriage is. It means God wants Christians to marry other Christians. He wants his children marrying other ones who are his children. As a Christian husband or wife, your life is centered in Christ; an unbeliever’s is not. Your beliefs and values are established upon the Word of God, an unbeliever’s is not. You need continual encouragement to trust and obey the Lord. How can an unbeliever give you that? How will you encourage him or her daily if he or she does not
trust the Lord?
This is an important commitment that you must make as a Christian to see God’s blessing in your life in this area. This is a boundary that you must draw when it comes to whom you allow yourself to
“fall for” or even date. Is it possible to have romantic feelings for someone who is not a Christian? Yes, it is. Attraction is part of being
human. However, it is not an indication of God’s will. God’s will is clearly stated above. The world says that if you feel it, it must be legitimate. This is not true! If you feel it and it is within God’s will, it is legitimate. Marrying a non-Christian is never the Lord’s will.
Dating unbelievers is emotionally dangerous! If you are going to be wise in following this, you also need to realize that it is emotionally dangerous to even date an unbeliever. You can think at the beginning that you can stop yourself short of marrying an unbeliever. I have heard Christians say, “I am only dating an unbeliever, I won’t marry him/her.” The Christian who does this is playing with emotional fire.
What happens if you date an unbeliever and develop the desire and romantic passion to marry him or her, now what are you going to do? Your feelings are powerful and you are going to hurt yourself far worse than if you had never gotten involved. What happens if the unbeliever develops a desire to marry you? Now, you are going to hurt him or her. You say you care about that unbeliever, but do you? You have defrauded that unbeliever by allowing him or her to develop a desire to marry you when you know you can’t marry him or her. What will that unbeliever think about Christ and Christians after his painful experience with you? You say, “but there are no Christians around who want to date me.” That may be the case, but that does not change what is God your Father’s plan for
you. Trusting the Lord in these kinds of circumstances is what being a Christian is all about. Prov.3:5-6 says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct your paths.”
God’s will is that Christians marry Christians who have godly characteristics. Finding the right kind of wife or husband begins with
his or her faith in Christ. However, being a Christian, does not guarantee he or she has the qualities necessary to make a successful marriage. Proverbs is very clear that men are to find women
who have godly characteristics in their lives. Besides a prudent wife, which we have already seen, Prov.31: 10 says, “Find a wife of noble
character.” Prov.12:4 says, “Find a wife of noble character, avoid a disgraceful wife.” Prov.19:13 says, “Avoid a quarrelsome wife.” Women, likewise are to find men with these godly characteristics.
The Scriptures also give other specific characteristics of the kind of people to avoid. This would certainly apply to marrying any of them.
There are three kinds of people that Proverbs says to stay away from, the fool, the sluggard, and the one who does not control his tongue. A fool is one who acts foolishly. Prov.14:7 says, “Stay away from a foolish man, for you will not find knowledge on his
lips.” The characteristics of someone who is foolish are given in several places in Proverbs. Prov.12:15 says that a fool "does what seems right to him and does not listen to advice." Prov.14:16 says that he is "hotheaded and reckless." Prov.18:2 says he "delights in airing his own opinions" and Prov.20:3 says he is "quick to quarrel." Prov.28:26 sums up the basic problem in his life when it says that a
foolish man "does not walk in wisdom." Prov.29:11 also says he "gives full vent to his anger, and has no self-control." We should avoid marrying people with these characteristics. Proverbs also says to watch out for a man who is lazy (the sluggard). Prov.19:15 indicates that a sluggard is sleeping all the time and thus going
hungry. Prov.26:15 shows that he is too lazy to put out the effort to feed himself. Prov.24: 30-34 says that laziness brings on poverty. Women especially are to avoid a lazy man who will not meet his
financial responsibilities. It is sad to see a woman married to a man who is always talking about making the “big bucks.” Yet, he is one who is not willing to get a steady job. Beware of allowing yourself to be attracted to a man who cannot keep a job. It is a strong possibility that he won’t suddenly change after he gets married.
We should avoid those who lie (Prov.6:17). Lying destroys any foundation of trust in a relationship. You will never know whether he or she is telling the truth or not. Prov.28:23 warns about someone who has a "flattering tongue." This kind of a person praises you when he doesn’t really mean it. He just wants to get something from you. Prov.15:1 shows another kind of person to avoid, one who uses
harsh words. Harsh words destroy the hearts and minds of others and make a lifetime relationship a lifetime of hurt.
Another characteristic to avoid is a one who lacks self-control. Prov.25:28 says, “Like a city whose walls are broken down is a man who lacks self-control.” A "city which has no walls" is a city which
has no defense against harm. A person who lacks self-control has no defense against harm. Ruin and destruction will be his because he cannot keep his emotions and desires under control. He cannot or
does not restrain his behavior. Self-control is an important quality for success in life and relationships. God has set forth limits of behavior; self-control keeps his actions within those limits.
These are just some of the guidelines that God gives each of us in selecting a wife or husband. No one can be perfect, but the lives of those mentioned above are characterized by these qualities so that they are known by them. That means those characteristics are regularly manifested in their lives. These are fatal flaws that destroy relationships, not build them. If you find a wife or husband that has the kind of personal faults that destroy relationships, trying to build a lifetime relationship together will be like building a house on sinking sand. If you find a wife or husband that has the personal qualities that can develop and sustain a lifetime relationship in the
Lord, you have followed what the Lord desires in finding a mate. Then, if you both desire to marry and to live together as husband and wife, then assume it is the Lord’s will unless the Lord clearly
prevents it. The Lord wants to bless you as you seek a godly mate. If it doesn't work out, trust that the Lord will work all things out for your good (Rom.8:28). Choose whomever you want to marry within God’s moral boundaries.
So, the Lord gives you the free choice to marry or not to marry. If you choose to marry, you may marry whomever you wish as long as he or she is the right kind of person and he or she desires to marry you. This gives you the joy of walking down the aisle to make a lifetime covenant with the one person you want to live with the rest of your life! Remember this, God has given marriage to be a free choice for you. When you walk down that aisle you should want to marry that person with all your heart. You should not be doing it because you think it is good for you or it is the right thing to do, you
should want to be with that person the rest of your life!
You need to trust the Lord to bless you as you follow his guidelines. That blessing will come in two major forms. He will either bless your union together (this may include waiting for awhile) or he will turn you away from each other according to his sovereign will. The Bible says that if we delight in the Lord, he will give us the desires of our hearts (Ps.37:4,Ps.20:4,Ps.21:2). That is, if it is within his will (1Jn.5:14-15).
I believe these verses taken together mean that God as our Father wants us to be happy and if we find someone who is the "right kind" of person of the opposite sex for us, then the Lord will bless our
union unless he has some specific reason for not doing so. What that reason is may not be revealed to us, but it will always be for our good (Rom.8:28).
What do I do if I can’t find anyone who wants to marry me?
Does that mean I have the gift of celibacy? Wanting to get married is normal and natural. Remember Prov.18:22 says, “He who finds a wife finds what is good, and receives favor from the
Lord." If you have a desire to get married, that is good. If you do not have a desire to marry and want to focus all your energy on the kingdom of God, that is good also. This is the gift of celibacy. It is described by Jesus in Matt.19:12 “some have made themselves eunuchs (figurative expression for those who choose not to marry) for the kingdom of heaven’s sake.” Paul had it. He says in 1 Cor.7:7
as he encourages Christians to stay single, “For I wish that all men were even as I myself. But every man has his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that. I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I [single]. But if they cannot contain themselves [sexual desires], let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn [with passion]. This means that if you want to get married, you don’t have the gift of celibacy. If you want to get married, it is a good thing. If I want to find a mate, then why can’t I find one? There are many possible reasons too numerous to discuss here. I suggest you speak with a pastor or other mature Christian who knows you to help you assess your particular situation. Ultimately, though, God is sovereign and you need to trust him with your present circumstances. Following Prov.3:5-6 is so important. You should not suppress the desire to
marry nor pretend it doesn’t exist. It is a natural desire, but you need to pray about it and leave your welfare in the Lord’s hands.
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