I think people worry too much
about what others say about them in any given situation. It sort of paralyses,
immobilises and reduces the energy commitment to your vision if you allow it a
moment’s space in your mind; and this leads to you second guessing and third
guessing yourself which could lead you to being indecisive on any scheme.
The reason for your worry is
simply because you don't yet understand the technicalities of public opinion,
or how the world operates. Opinions are not necessarily processed reflections;
they're just exclusive expressions of individuals. Opinion is a fundamental
human right franchise; everybody has an opinion, including a 7 year old kid.
Everybody will and must have an opinion. And oftentimes if not 99% of the time,
opinions are merely expressions of prejudice, and hidden and not so hidden
agenda.
Taking a critical look at it, the
man who expresses an opinion seeks to exercise indirect influence over the
lives of others. He's trying to influence others to have biases and views about
a person in order to create social pressure. He seeks to shape lives, determine
courses and associations...shape outcomes. It's an indirect kind of
governmental control. If you don't realize this you'll be unsuspectingly teleguided
via a carefully schemed regulator mechanism…but if you're ever going to realize
your vision of being great in life you must learn to exercise pachydermatous indifference
to people's opinion. That's not saying you shouldn’t listen to anybody, just try
to figure out motivations, biases and agenda…simple!
Not every good advice is rightly
motivated and certainly not every offer of help comes from a clean heart…just
apply discretion and be wise. There are some opinions you shouldn’t even pay
attention to because the structure of life is such that attempts to climb the
ladder out of obscurity into limelight are attended by ill wishes of the pessimist
or cynical. Everything is okay to them as long as you don't exhibit ambition
but once you express aspiration/hope/desire the tentacles of hatred/hostility
protrude. Come to think of it, these people whose opinions matter so much to
you, who you so worry about, in reality what can they do to you? Were you
consulted when they made decisions concerning their own affairs? My point exactly!
So why worry yourself to death, subjecting yourself to the manipulative effect
of the opinion and prejudices of others?
Who you marry is your decision;
has to be your decision, yours and yours only. If you're going to be the rightful
head of your household then you must take responsibility for its creation from
start, don’t allow them create it for you. Your submission in allowing others
to choose a wife for you does not eliminate your responsibility, that you
subject your matrimonial choice to cultural forces won't absolve you of
responsibility for the outcome. You will surely live with the consequence of
your choice whether good or bad. If your choice is good, you'll enjoy a
blissful marriage; but if you make a bad choice...well...God is your muscle. Do
not allow people make choices for you, they don't necessarily know what is good
for you, can't know what your heart really desires or what you need.
That the woman you love is from
a broken home, a divorcee or a single mother should ordinarily not be an
issue, unless you allow it develop into one, it's all cultural really. You're
just dealing with cultural prejudices that are sometimes hypocritical and silly
if not ridiculous. It's your choice and it's your decision. I’d like to believe
that you know who's good for you...If this lady is as wonderful as you describe
her to be then what is the meaning of "the only coma is the fact she's from
a broken home"? Which coma if I might ask? Who's composing these
sentences in your head anyway? The world certainly is not short of punctuation
marks when it comes to blocking happiness in the sentence of life. If you find
love, joy and peace why would you throw it away on account of cultural bias? Or
are you trying to please them?! You can't please the world my friend. Life is
too complex for these imaginary considerations. If you know a single mother,
divorcee or widow will give you happiness don't throw the opportunity away
because of mere babble.
You don't know the world! See, some
of those babbling have bitter marital experiences, they're channeling their
angst. They don't want you to have happiness too, they want you to join the
fellowship of the unhappy, and they prefer you to be miserable as they are. Now, making your relationship work is another
thing entirely, I’m sure you know too well that good choice is not enough, though
a part of the process of having a fulfilling marriage.
In a nutshell all I have been
trying to say since is that DON'T ALLOW CULTURAL TECHNICALITIES ROB YOU OF HAPPINESS;
you may live in regret the rest of your life. Whether you marry a biological
virgin, or a technical virgin, divorcee, widow, single mother or double mother let
the choice be yours not someone else's. You know what you want, you know what
you like, so take responsibility and let them talk!
The general principle is that a
man must take responsibility over his life and choices. You can't turn around
tomorrow and blame God for your choice of wife! Adam tried it but didn't work.
Remember "the woman whom thou (God) gavest me" ploy? It didn't work!
God held him accountable. Of course you can approach your pastor for counsel; he's
infused with capacities of grace…but you can't reject responsibility for your choice
of marriage partner…So my advice to you is very simple “live your life and let
them talk”!
